Ways to make everyday situations much more enjoyable...

Whenever I'm anywhere I always think of a way to make the situation funnier...for me. I don't usually care if it gets a laugh as long as I am giggling, that's all that matters. So with that in mind I created the following list of ways to make everyday situations much more enjoyable. They are funny, random things to do that may make people look at you strangely but will guarantee that you'll have a better time. Believe me, it works. I've done about 90% of these things (ask Emily) and it's funny every time...at least I'm laughing.

Fast Food Joints
· Order just an “extra cheese” and when the cashier asks what you want the extra cheese on, tell them “I want it on the first piece, missy.” This especially works best when the cashier is a man.
· Ask for an order with Dutch Fries and when they tell you they only have French Fries, start ranting and raving at the top of your lungs about how you “refuse to eat those fries because the French screwed the Americans during World War 2” and how “this restaurant must be run by Nazis!.”
· When they put your order on the tray, take out some tomatoes and onions that you’ve brought from home and start cutting them up on the counter to put on your food.
· Ask the workers what they think you should order and then scream at them for making a poor choice.
· Sing your order to the tune of “I’m Henry the VIII, I Am.” (Ex. I’ll have a Diet Coke I will, have a Diet Coke I will, I will…)
· While the cashier is looking down inputting your order, bend your knees just a little lowering your height behind the counter. Order many items slowly and lower yourself again and again. By the time you’re done ordering you should have your chin resting on the counter.
· Ask the cashier what he’d order if he were eating and whatever he tells you, order it along with your own order. Then when the cashier tells you what your total is, tell him that he owes you a few bucks for the items that he wanted.
· Ask to see the manager and when he/she comes over, proceed to start shadow boxing. Then begin telling the manager that you’ve been training for months and want them to now be your “manager” in the “big fight.”

Banks
· Give the teller a $100 bill and tell them you want him to make change. When they ask what denominations you want it in, tell them you’d like two Lutherans, four Episcopalians, and the rest in Roman Catholics.
· Hand the teller a $20 and tell them that you’d like “20 bucks in chips for the Roulette table.” When they look at you befuddled, say “I’m just joking, Roulette is for suckers…Craps is where the real dough is!”
· As the teller is counting your money, begin to shout out random numbers in the hopes of confusing them. Apologize repeatedly, but continue to do it each time they begin counting.
· Place your mouth on the glass separation between the teller and yourself and blow over and over making your cheeks puff out. When the weird looks begin, just look around and yell out in a British-Cockney accent “That makes me cheeks itchy!”
· Tell the teller random, inane, incorrect facts about money. For example, "Did you know money is green because of all the chlorophyll."
· Go into the bank dressed like the banker from Monopoly and start bossing everyone around like you own the place.

Mall Information Booths
· Ask them how much the mall weighs.
· Ask the person working for random information like "I need information on the gestation period of the Florida manatee?"
· Demand to see Mr. Wetzel regarding the ridiculous prices of his pretzels.
· Ask what the temperature is in the mens rooms and no matter what they say yell "UNACCEPTABLE!."
· Ask them where the store is that sells assless chaps.
· Tell them you went into the store Athlete's Foot and now your toes are burning and stinging and you need some Lamisil immediately.
· Ask them if they know what the word "mall" is short for.

Restaurants
· If they ask, "Do you have a smoking preference?" say "Marlboro Lights."
· When the waiter says "I'm Jim, I'll be your server tonight" respond by saying "I'm Adam, I'll be your eater tonight." (It's funnier when you're name isn't even Adam.)
· When you're done with your meal and there are leftovers the waiter usually asks, "Do you wanna box for that?" Say "Yeah, it's go time" and stand, put up your fists and start boxing with them.
· When being seated with your wife and they ask "table for how many?", say that you need two tables for one.
· Order a drink called “The Rump-Shaker”, and when they ask what it is tell them it’s a mixture of ½ Mr. Pibb and ½ Honey Mustard sauce.
· If the restaurant uses one of those remote vibrating pagers to notify you when your table is ready, when it goes off start screaming and acting like it's shocking you with electricity.
· When you ask them "How long is the wait?", no matter how they respond say "Can you add 5 minutes to that because I have to take a huge dump. By the way, where's your crapper?"

99 Cent Stores
· For every item keep asking the salespeople, "How much is this?" Do this until you're asked to leave.
· If you're at the store "Everything's A Dollar" give the cashier one dollar and say, "I'll take everything!"
· Ask them random questions like "Where is the jewelry department?" or "Do you sell tires?"
· Pay for everything in pennies.
· Buy one item and write a check for it.

Try some of these things next time you're out and about and let me know how it goes. I'm sure it will be fun, fun, fun! Send me your own ideas too.

Laz