A guy walks into a bar...

The following is a short list of some my favorite bar jokes. I love a good "guy walks into a bar" joke so if you have any good ones then send them to me. Nothing corny either, although now that I'm a dad I do need a few corny "dad" jokes in my repertoire. Hope these make you smile!

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get outta here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar!"

A man walks into a bar on the moon and orders a drink. The bartender asks him, “So, what do you think of my bar?” The man replies, “The drinks are great but this place has no atmosphere.”

A termite goes into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?

Two men walk into a bar, which is odd because you’d think the second guy would’ve seen it there.

A Dyslexic man walks into a bra…

Two guys, Alexander and Ivan, walked into a bar and the bartender asked “How are you?” Alexander said “Great!” and Ivan said “Terrible!”

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. The seal replies, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

A blind man with a Seeing Eye dog walks into a bar. The blind man picksup the dog and starts swinging it around. The bartender asks, "What are you doing?" The man replies, "Just looking around."

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve yourkind in here!” The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun-guy.”

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces, “I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.”

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You know, we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper says, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?”

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

An Irish guy walks into a bar and the bartender says to him, "Hey, you know you've got a steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish guy replies "Aye, I know. It’s been driving me nuts all day!"

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Can I please have a gin.......and……..tonic?" The bartender replies, "Yeah sure, but what's with the big paws?"

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry,but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”