Easter Poem

“Have A Happy Easter” by Adam Lazarus

Have a happy Easter,
To my friends that aren't Jews.
May your eggs be painted
In bright yellows, greens and blues.

May your friends and family
All gather 'round in love.
While you're hunting Easter eggs
May no one push or shove.

May your Sunday feast includeA tasty, juicy ham.
Or other things you Christians eat
Like wild game and Spam.

May Jesus bless and keep you,
(Or whatever Jesus does.)
And may Good Friday be the best
Damn day there ever was.

May a rabbit bring you stuff
Like candy coated sweets.
And if you're stuck in Church all day
May padding line the seats.

May your day be filled with joy,
With prayer, with eggs, with fun.
And like that gimp from Christmas said,
"God bless us, every one!"

Happy St. Patty's Day!

(Try reading this poem in your best Irish accent. It makes it a lot funnier, even if your accent stinks!)

“St. Patty’s Day” by Adam O’Lazarus

Everyone is Irish!
For today’s St. Patty’s Day!
So have a bowl of “Lucky Charms” and join the IRA.

Drink a shot of whiskey,
Or a pint of Guinness stout.
Eat a baked potato with a side of salted trout.

Rent a Liam Neeson movie.
Learn to “Riverdance.”
Wear a kilt to work today instead of wearing pants.

Watch a Boston Celtics game.
Riot in the streets.
Read some Irish poetry by William Butler Yeats.

Listen to your “U2” albums.
Play your “House of Pain.”
Look upon the English both with loathing and disdain.

Pick a four leaf clover.
Find a leprechaun.
Kiss someone who’s Irish (only if their pin is on.)

Tell your friend a limerick.
Start a soccer fight.
Don’t say words like “ass or “shit”, instead say “arse” and “shite.”

Learn to play the bagpipes.
Swim in Keltic lochs.
Wear your lucky plastic derby covered in shamrocks.

Sing “ta-LOO-ra-LOO-ra,”Or a verse from “Danny Boy.”
Call yourself Fitzpatrick or O’Malley or Malloy.

Everyone is Irish,
On this blessed holiday!
(And after twenty lagers it won’t matter anyway.)

No one cares where you are from,
Or what you like to do.
If you’re a fan of getting drunk St. Patty’s is for you.

So grab a beer. Wear some green.
And eat delicious scones.
But if you hate St. Patty’s Day then kiss my blarney stones!

Yippie-Chai-Yay!

Here are some funny photos of Lasso Logan straight from the deserts of the Wild, Wild West! As you all know we live in the southwest. Home of gunslingers and barroom legends… stagecoaches and banditos…Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday…and, of course, little allergic Jewish boys dressed like the Lone Ranger.

Why was Logan dressed like this, you ask? Well, everyone who lives in Arizona MUST dress like a cowboy for a day at least once a year. It’s the law. Blame John McCain.

So enjoy moseyin’ through these dang-blasted good-time photos you ornery varmints!

They call him Lasso Logan, the rootinest, tootinest, shootinest, poopinest cowboy to ever ride the range!


Hey, there’s somethin’ over yonder! Is it an injun? An outlaw? No…it’s just some hairy hombre called dada. HANG ‘EM!

Okay you pesky tenderfoot….on the count of ten…DRAW! I have crayons, markers, pencils…we can draw with anything you want!

Ohhhh, ya got me! I think I’ve been hit, I can feel it runnin’ down my leg…wait, I ain’t been shot…I just pooped my chaps.

After a few too many milks at the local saloon. (Slow down there greenhorn…get yer wits about ya!)

This little doggie is tired and is waiting for the chuck wagon to bring him some real cowboy food…a juice box and some Cheerios.

Lasso Logan lookin’ out to the horizon. What’s out there over yonder? Gold mines? Trains to rob? Elmo? The Wiggles?

Every cowboy loves his mama, and Lasso Logan is no different. Ain’t she a pretty one! YEEEE-HAW!

Lasso Logan - The happiest cowboy to ever ride the range. Yippee-chai-yay! (It’s what the Jewish cowboys say!)

Until he rides again…