A guy walks into a bar...

The following is a short list of some my favorite bar jokes. I love a good "guy walks into a bar" joke so if you have any good ones then send them to me. Nothing corny either, although now that I'm a dad I do need a few corny "dad" jokes in my repertoire. Hope these make you smile!

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get outta here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar!"

A man walks into a bar on the moon and orders a drink. The bartender asks him, “So, what do you think of my bar?” The man replies, “The drinks are great but this place has no atmosphere.”

A termite goes into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?

Two men walk into a bar, which is odd because you’d think the second guy would’ve seen it there.

A Dyslexic man walks into a bra…

Two guys, Alexander and Ivan, walked into a bar and the bartender asked “How are you?” Alexander said “Great!” and Ivan said “Terrible!”

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. The seal replies, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

A blind man with a Seeing Eye dog walks into a bar. The blind man picksup the dog and starts swinging it around. The bartender asks, "What are you doing?" The man replies, "Just looking around."

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve yourkind in here!” The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun-guy.”

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces, “I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.”

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You know, we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper says, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?”

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

An Irish guy walks into a bar and the bartender says to him, "Hey, you know you've got a steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish guy replies "Aye, I know. It’s been driving me nuts all day!"

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Can I please have a gin.......and……..tonic?" The bartender replies, "Yeah sure, but what's with the big paws?"

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry,but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Logan vs. The Oreo Cookie

Fight fans,

This is the latest installment of the LOGAN vs. FOOD fight series. First we watched Logan battle an evil avocado and devour it! Then in the second bout Logan conquered a malevolent watermelon with barely a scratch on him. Now it’s time for fight number three!

And now for our main event - LOGAN VS. THE OREO COOKIE!

Introducing our champion, wearing the polka dotted bib weighing in at 25 lbs, from Tucson, AZ - Logan “The Green Eyed Bandit” Lazarus!

And the challenger, wearing the blue wrapper and weighing in at less than an ounce, from Nabisco - The Oreo Cookie!

Let’s get ready to CRUMMMBBBLLLLLE!?!

Logan’s first bite of the greatest cookie on God’s green earth - the delicious Oreo.

Logan’s reaction after his first taste of the cream filled chocolaty goodness.

Surprise fills his face as he realizes that he’s not eating green beans or carrots or applesauce or oatmeal this time. No, he is actually eating something that tastes good! COOKIES!

Now that he knows how awesome Oreos are, he begins to shove as much cookie into his mouth as possible

Taking a short break before resuming voracious cookie eating.

Cookie number one has officially been devoured.

Sadness sets in as Logan realizes that his cookie is all gone. Some got in his stomach, some on daddy’s shirt and expensive camera lens but most of it on Logan’s face.

But there’s a surprise! Joy now sets in as he realizes that Mommy has another cookie! WOOHOO!

5 minutes and 7 more cookies later, Logan is satisfied and happily intoxicated by the creamy chocolaty goodness that is the Oreo.

LOGAN 1, OREO COOKIE 0

Winner, LOGAN! And he remains undefeated!

Thanks for watching and stay tuned for the next big battle coming soon to an email account near you – LOGAN vs. THE SPAGHETTI DINNER!

Love,
Adam, Emily and Logan

Photos from Logan's world...

My people,

It’s been a month since the last Logan email so here are some photos taken since his birthday in February. We have had several milestones since then. Logan now walks…everywhere! He loves to waddle around and eat everything he can get his hands on (whether edible or not) and is quite a funny baby, always making noises, smiling or hamming it up for anyone who will watch. I have no idea who he gets that from.

He also enjoys graham crackers, cheese crumbles, playing with ribbons, ripping magazines, moving things from one place to another and then back again, banging on the computer keyboard, playing with shoes, dancing to The Wiggles and his big yellow stuffed ball that looks like Big Bird’s feathers. He’s a real renaissance kid.

So sit back, relax and prepare to smile as we present our latest installment of Logan photos! This series obviously includes Logan and the following random items in no particular order:

- Matzo
- Sunglasses
- Beret
- Big shoes
- Sippy cup
- Bucket hat
- His dad and mom


Logan in his daddy’s cool old school Adidas shoes that mommy hates and thinks makes daddy look like an old man. But when Logan wears them it’s “awwww, how cute, he looks so cute, how cute is this cutie?” I wear them - idiot. He wears them – Kodak moment. I don’t get it.



Gilligan and the Skipper out for a 3 hour tour.



Logan taking Daddy for a walk. He leads, I follow. He cries, I pick him up. He then smiles, I put him back down. He knows he’s got me trained like a dog. Damn.



This is Logan’s French cousin LaFloure. He’s on a baby exchange program from Paris. Logan went to France for 6 weeks and we got LaFloure. He’s really smart too! Only 14 months old and already understands French! (Just kidding, it’s not LaFloure, just Logan in a beret. Gotcha!)



This is Logan and his beautiful mommy. Notice how much nicer this photo is compared to the next one? It’s because I’m not in it! These two actually look related. Me? I look like a weird uncle or something or maybe a terrorist.



Weird uncle terrorist (with a crazy eye), LaFloure and Emily.



This is Logan’s first day with a sippy cup and straw. Sucking on a straw is a big deal because now he can drink on his own and not rely on us all the time. FINALLY! I was wondering how much longer I was going to have to do everything for him. He’s so needy. Now he can suck up milk and water and cocktails all by himself. MY SON SUCKS, YEAH!



Logan has officially gone Hollywood. He even has those trendy LA big glasses so the prying eyes of the paparazzi can’t find him. He’s more demanding now too - only wanting tepid Evian bottled water in his bathtub, 100% organic chilled milk from humanely treated cows and only plays with hybrid toys that are earth friendly and biodegradable. He doesn’t even call us mommy or daddy anymore; we’re his “agent” and “personal assistant” now.



Logan at Passover eating his first matzo. How does that dry matzo taste son?





Exactly! Interestingly, and completely true, he friggin’ loved gefilte fish! Go figure. 90% of Jews don’t even like that stuff, but our boy Logan loved it! He wasn’t a big fan of the horseradish though. He also loved brisket and matzo balls too. (How do they snip the little balls off the boy matzos though, I wonder?) Yup, Logan’s a real J.I.T. (Jew-In-Training) and we couldn’t be prouder.





Logan playing with a fake, toy matzah (which probably tastes better then real matzah if you ask me.) He had a whole toy seder plate too with toy bitter herbs, plastic shank bone, little toy maror and fake haroseth (sp?) Jewish people understood that sentence and the gentiles probably didn’t understand at least five of those words. That’s ok, since I have no idea what a catechism is or what makes Good Friday so good. So we’re even.

We hope you all had a Happy Easter and Pleasing Passover and that your Spring has been great. We miss you all. Stay tuned for the next photo series called LOGAN VS. THE OREO COOKIE.

Love,

Emily, Adam and Logan (and of course LaFloure)